5 AM- 8 AM: British people, mostly soccer writers.
8 AM - 10 AM: Finance/Stock Brokers/Econ people
10 AM - 6 PM: EVERY-FUCKING-BODY
6 PM - 10 PM: People without kids
10 PM - 11 PM: People with kids just getting in a tweet before bed
11PM - 4 AM: Musicians, people without any real responsibilities, crazy people
4 AM - 5 AM: Diplo.
Taken with instagram
A Pirate’s Nightmare
A variation on the Dark n Stormy, which is normally made with Gosling’s Ginger Beer and Dark Rum, though Myer’s Dark Rum will do in a pinch.
- Pint Glass
- Ice
- Kraken Rum
- Goya Ginger Beer
Combine all ingredients in Pint Glass. Drink. Enjoy the tickle of the spice going down your throat. It feels like a Kraken that’s fighting its inevitable death and digestion in my tummy. I AM POSEIDON, GOD OF THE OCEAN, SWALLOWER OF LARGE MOLLUSKS.
Ok, I might be drunk.
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
I am gonna get back into beat juggling because boy that scratch is making me itch.
Last weekend’s annular solar eclipse in Lubbock, Texas.
Great photo by Willoughby Owen (unripegreenbanana - flickr)
Counterpoint: Chan fulfills every girl’s dream of marrying a billionaire?
After I discovered her secret, she stopped messaging me back...
| me: | BLARGH |
| Lizzie: | i want some tacosss |
| me: | TACOS ARE GREAT, let's go |
| Lizzie: | yessss |
| me: | are you a slytherin? |
- THE LIVES OF STUDENTS
- MY LIVER
- MY ABILITY TO TELL RIGHT FROM WRONG
- MY RIGHT PINKY TOE
- THE WHISPER SONG
- THE LIVES OF MY EX-GF’s (JUST KIDDING, THOUGH WHY DID YOU DELETE YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT?)
- Random Texas dude
- Random dude who remodels houses for a living and wants to help me buy a house
- Random dude who is like a right-wing version of Willie Nelson
So I was invited by one of my students to the school’s tennis match. I guess they were supposed to pick their “favorite” professor? Probably just the professor, who either they want to impress for a better grade or they already have a good grade in the class. Or I am just cynical. Anyway, I brought my dog along and we sat down in time to watch three double matches at once. My student is the one that is kicking the ass of all the other students (It took me a while to figure out which one was my student because I only knew her name because of the email sent to me and I had no idea what she looked like because GUYS I have 700 students). This was very different than previous tennis matches that I’ve been to. Professional matches, generally have polite audiences with players that would be annoyed by the slightest action/noise out of the ordinary. In between points, each of the girls would cheer on the others.
Girl 1: Go “Last name of Girl 2”
Girl 2: Go “Last name of Girl 1”
Girl 1: Go “Name of School or Mascot”
Girl 2: Go “Color of school”
This was going on, with all the players from both schools.
Anyway, my first time at a women’s sporting event. So that was different. Like an Eskimo kiss or something.
- emoticons ( :( )
- telling me that I am being mean ( :( )
- telling me that I am being rude (I write emails in a minimalist/just the facts fashion, so I can see how they might think that I am not being empathetic, but I’m not mean (I AM A ROBOT))
- speculation about their grade (Mental masturbation, it feels good, but in the end you’re still where you started, alone and now with a mess to clean up)
- asking me to calculate their grade for them (seriously? can’t even come in and ask me in person to do the math for you?)
- asking me to create fake websites to lie to their parents (GUYS, THIS ONE WAS AMAZE-BALLS)
- do i have any chance of getting (insert hopeful letter grade here)? (no, no, no, YOUUUU DO THE MATH)
- I am so freaking out right now (I HAD A BOWEL MOVEMENT THAT BROKE THE WATER LINE, oh you don’t care? then why are you telling me about your emotional state? i thought we were sharing, :( )
My response to all of these things:
- to write up a list here and not respond to any of those emails (if you don’t have anything nice or in many of these cases something constructive to say, don’t say anything at all)
